


Just A Feeling

by GeekLover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, Rentboys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:18:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3776932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just a feeling he couldn't quite explain, but damned if Arthur wasn't going to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just A Feeling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sksdwrld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sksdwrld/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I'm Gonna Be](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1198425) by [sksdwrld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sksdwrld/pseuds/sksdwrld). 



Arthur feels dirty, which he knows is ironic considering he’s been frequenting a prostitute for weeks, but this feels different now. Normally, the feeling of Merlin’s mouth around his cock would feel wonderful, and truth be told, physically it stills feels amazing - the man still has an incredibly gifted tongue - but emotionally, Arthur can’t enjoy it. He hadn’t realized how invested he was in going to the theater with Merlin, until Merlin had turned him down.

Merlin’s refusal had certainly taken him by surprise. Though, this whole “relationship” with Merlin had taken him by surprise. He had just been looking for a good time one night - no attachments, no emotions involved - and then he had met Merlin. Arthur was not someone who would ever use the term “love at first sight.” He wasn’t some lovesick schoolgirl. He was far too practical for something like that, and yet he still couldn’t find a better way to describe the emotional wallop that laying eyes on Merlin had on him. His mouth fell open, like someone completely undignified, and even though he knew it was impossible, he would have sworn that he had stopped breathing for more than a few minutes. He knew he had to have Merlin, no matter what the cost.

Arthur had assumed that once he had slept with Merlin he would then get him out of his system, but yet again he underestimated this new, weird sensation. If anything, he became even more obsessed/enamored with Merlin after their first tryst. Even though he knew it was wrong and stupid and would probably lead to nothing good, he kept going back to that street corner every Friday night. And every Friday night, Merlin took Arthur to new heights of pleasure.

But if all it was amounted to just mind-blowing sex, Arthur wouldn’t be in such turmoil right now. Arthur never liked just throwing money at Merlin after they were done and having him leave. He insisted on having at least some form of conversation having nothing to do with sex. He could tell that Merlin wasn’t used to having such a demand made, but he went along with it and after a couple of talks, Arthur could sense that Merlin was starting to enjoy it.

Merlin let his guard down enough to talk a little about his past and even about his mother. The way Merlin spoke about his mother was more than a little familiar to Arthur. Merlin’s mother had trained to be an opera singer, but was never able to make it as far with as she desired. First because she had Merlin and was a single mother (Arthur could see the guilt shining in Merlin’s eyes and tightening his throat) and then because throat cancer robbed her of her ability to sing before it took her life. She had always wanted to take Merlin to the theater, but they never had enough money, and then sadly time ran out.

This conversation changed something fundamentally for them. At least it did on Arthur’s end. He couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was. If it was because Merlin had been willing to be so vulnerable with him, or if it was because Arthur empathized with Merlin’s love for his mother, or because Arthur couldn’t stop looking at Merlin and seeing how beautiful he was, or if it was a combination of all that, but Arthur knew that he was in trouble. He refused to call it love, but he wasn’t sure what else it could be.

He immediately decided that he would make it his purpose in life to get Merlin to the theater. He bought the tickets and picked out a play he thought Merlin would love. He even got Merlin a suit that he was sure would fit Merlin like a dream. Everything was in place for a perfect evening - until Merlin said no.

Arthur’s musings were interrupted when Merlin stopped bobbing his head on his cock and looked up at him with confused eyes. “Are you close?”

Normally, a situation like this might have embarrassed Arthur, but he felt more confused than anything, and a little angry. He’d gone to a great deal of trouble for Merlin and didn’t understand why he didn’t appreciate it.

Arthur pushed against Merlin’s shoulder a bit. He knew he would not be able to come right now. “I don’t think so.” He said as he started to tuck in his quickly softening cock.

Merlin sat up and wiped his mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Why?” Arthur took a deep breath. He knew he shouldn’t be taking this personally. When Merlin turned him down, he could see how emotional he was and that he hadn’t meant to hurt Arthur’s feelings, but Arthur was not one to hold his tongue when he thought he had been wronged, especially when he didn’t know why. “I just don’t understand why you don’t want to go to the theater with me?”

Merlin opened his mouth and closed it twice without coming up with an explanation. He looked away and finally spoke up. “I thought I explained it. I’m not your friend. You’re just another punter.”

Arthur tried not to, but he flinched at that. “I’m not just another punter, Merlin.”

Merlin shook his head. “We don’t - you’re not special, Arthur.”

Merlin refused to look him in the eyes.

“That’s utter bollocks, Merlin.” Arthur gritted out. 

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose and when he looked up again at Arthur, his expression hardened. “So you’re one of those, is it?”

It was Arthur’s turn to be confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re one of those wankers who has seen _Pretty Woman_ too many times and think that you’re going to act like some knight in shining armor and rescue the poor whore. I don’t need to be rescued, by you or anyone. The next time you’re looking for someone to fulfill your savior complex, find someone else.” Merlin wrenched the car door open and bolted.

It took Arthur a few seconds to recover but he soon did and fumbled for the car door handle and raced to catch up to Merlin.

“Merlin?”

“Shut it, Arthur.”

Arthur finally caught up to Merlin and grabbed his hand.

Merlin whirled around and ripped his hand away. “What?”

Arthur gulped and tried to think of something to say. 

Merlin glared at him.

“I’ve never seen _Pretty Woman_.”

Merlin sputtered and chuckled briefly. “What?”

“I just...Julia Roberts, she just...her laugh…” He shuddered. “I don’t enjoy her, so I’ve never seen that movie. Though I do know what it’s about it and…”

Merlin shook his head. “What’s your point, Arthur?”

“I’m not trying to save you. Merlin. I just...I want to be with you, because…”

“You care about me?” Merlin said in a clearly mocking tone.

“Yes.” Arthur said simply.

“Why?” Merlin replied with a mixture of skepticism and confusion.

“Merlin, I can’t say that I have any idea what it’s been like for you since your mum died. I don’t know what it’s like to have to do what you do to survive.But I can relate to missing your mum so terribly and wanting to be everything she wanted you to be and knowing that you’re not and feeling like you’re letting her down. I know what it’s like to feel so alone that you get used to it and think that’s always how it’s going to be and being scared of reaching out to anyone.”

Merlin blinked back tears and Arthur stepped closer to him.

“Merlin, I want to take you to the theater because when you told me that story about how much you wanted to go, it made me think about my own mother. She loved the theater. She took me to see my first play when I was seven. It was Shakespeare’s Cymbeline. I, of course, didn’t really understand a word of what was going on and was quite bored. But when the play was over, I saw that my mum was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said it was nothing, that the play just affected her greatly. I asked why and she tried to explain but I didn’t understand. Finally she just said, sometimes there are things that just make you feel. I don’t think I really understood that until I met you. The first time I looked at you Merlin, you just made me feel like I never have in my life. And everytime I’m with you, it’s the same thing. I feel...everything.”

“Arthur…”

“So. Merlin, I want to take you out tonight and every night that you’ll let me, but we’ll just start with tonight - hopefully. I’m going to go back to my car and if you’re not there in two minutes, then I’ll leave and I won’t bother you again.”

Merlin’s lips formed a silent “O.” He finally nodded feebly.

Arthur forced his body to turn and it was one of the hardest things he’d ever done not to look back. But he got back to his car and didn’t look back at Merlin once.

It was the longest two minutes of his life. And at the end of two minutes when Merlin still wasn’t sitting beside him, he gave him another minute. But after that minute was done, Arthur decided that his pride and his heart couldn’t take another beating, and he slowly reached for his keys and started his car up.

Suddenly, the door opened and Merlin was sitting beside him. He didn’t look in Arthur’s direction.

Arthur let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“If this is going to work there’s one thing you need to know about me.” He turned to face Arthur and smiled shakily. “I’m a little slow.”

Arthur let out a breathy chuckle. “I think I figured that out already.”


End file.
